The Dog That Hollered

Category: Life

Sometimes I feel as if life is constantly sending me messages about the things I’ve chosen to ignore or gloss over. I was in the car this morning and was changing the radio station because I wanted to hear the time (I left my cell phone at home – it’s my watch). I tuned in to one station as a woman was mid-thought explaining how many (not all) Black women shield themselves from relationships because of fear. She mentioned many underlying factors that seemed as if she knew me and my life personally. Again, I almost cried when I heard what she was saying because her words were an affirmation of my internal turmoil that I’m always covering. Speaking of covering, she even mentioned something that I’m truly guilty of – dressing to appear normal or as if everything is going well when inside it’s not. I am not a vain or high-maintenance person (in my humble opinion). I go to a salon to get my hair done every eight weeks (unheard of for some people), don’t really wear makeup and am an infrequent spa visitor. However, I will invariably look well put together because of my clothing choices. Therein lies the problem, I spend more energy making choices to dress the outside when in fact I should spend that energy ADDRESSING the recurring issues that are crippling me from the inside. Recent past events have shaken up my life to the point where I’ve definitely been able to see the fissures in my facade. Now I just need to do the difficult work of going to the source and repairing – from the inside.